"Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear."
So tonight I was chatting with a buddy of mine about a girl he's been dating for a while. She's his first girlfriend, first real kiss, and all that jazz; I think they've been exclusive for two months. Anyway, so my buddy and I have been friends since our freshman year, and he's one of my few male friends that I haven't dated.
He mentioned that he wanted me to meet her, and my first question was, "will it make any difference?" I felt kind of bad, but considering how much I think of him, and thus few women are worthy of him, and how I tend to not like women, unless my opinion would really matter to him, I didn't much see the point of giving it. Of course, I was flattered that he would want my approval, but considering that it's more likely that I'll disapprove, I didn't want anything to get in the way of our friendship. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a bad friend.
Another thought prompted that, too. (And I told my buddy this, which maybe wasn't the best idea.) I think that we've been friends long enough, and I like the dynamic of our relationship, and he went for so many years without ever dating anyone that I'm not terribly comfortable with the idea of him in a romantic relationship. In fact, the idea of him getting married (which is much more likely to happen soon for him than it is for me) actually makes me nervous. And while I know that I don't want him, and we'd never be happy together, deep down I also know that I'll probably be jealous of whoever he does end up with. Oh well... hopefully I'll mature before he actually gets married so I can be truly happy for him.
