"For relaxing times, make it Suntory time."
Like pretty much everyone you know, probably, I'm ultra-lucky in that I get to deal with clinical depression. Tried meds, spent years in therapy, and eventually got to a place where it's manageable without the deadening effect (for me) of drugs. With the help of some fabulous therapists, figured out how to recognize when I was at the beginning of a downward spiral and figured out ways to pull myself out of it, but it's never completely a non-issue. It's way better than the suicidal part or the incredibly self-destructive behavior of yore, but it still kinda sucks. Normally, I can pull myself out a slump quickly enough, but this last time, it hasn't been working so well, and I hate to admit (but I will because of my recent decision to quit hiding so much) that I totally blew off my French classes today and spent the day alternating between crying and reading (which, depending on what I was reading, exacerbated the crying) and napping. Anyway, so in an attempt to think about other things, tonight we have a list of things that make me happy:
- Wore a t-shirt today that I haven't worn since my parents brought it out for me in April, which means it smells like Tide and Bounce and "home," mostly. I'm picky about products and I'm REALLY into smells, which means that in the US I use the same laundry stuff my mom does and that here, I get kind of frustrated that even with my Bounce dryer sheets I haven't found a detergent that I really like (yes, my life is so big and important that I care about the smell of my laundry). So to get to smell the way laundry should smell all day? Heaven.
- Listening to Alice in Chains and Tool and Soundgarden and Smashing Pumpkins and whatever else. Don't know why I've been more into this kind of stuff in the past month or two than usual, but it makes me happy.
- Short fingernails. I used to keep them no-white short because of playing the viola, but now that I don't practice the way I should, I'll occasionally let them grow out a bit more. I find it a bit harder to type or play the piano, but I feel temporarily girly. Then, when I'm ready to practice again and I chop 'em all off, such a wonderful feeling.
- Almost every day for the past week or two, a teeny little sparrow (at least, I think it's a sparrow; when it comes to identifying flora and fauna I'm more than dumb. Someone recently gave me a plant, and I had to do a bit of googling to verify my suspicions that yes, it is indeed an orchid. I'm so gonna kill it...) has flown in the far window in my apartment, hopping around the two square feet of tile that makes up my "kitchen," eventually flying back out a minute or so later. I'm always sitting on my bed when it flies in, and I make a point to be silent and motionless so I don't scare it away (or scare it so it forgets where the window is and ends up flying in a panic around my apartment). This morning, there were two little birds on my "kitchen" floor pecking at crumbs, and once again, my camera was out of reach. I'm starting to think if I don't start mopping more frequently, it won't be long before I also have a new little friend named Gus-Gus. I love the little birds, though, and one day, I *will* manage to get a picture of them.
- My hair looks fabulous today. I may have bloodshot eyes and puffy cheeks, but it's nothing a little Cousin It action can't fix. Apparently, I'm shallow, because I may look in the mirror today and think, "when exactly did it become a burden to wear jeans? And do I spy a wee puffy eye?" but then I think, "huh. My hair looks good. Guess things aren't THAT bad."
- Using the word "dude." I know it makes me sound unedumacated or like an idiot or whatever else, but when I let this word slip out every so often, it cheers me up.
- Finally answering an email from Sweet DW she sent me last week about her summer plans that have changed because of a boy, which is a first for her. I'm so proud of her, and so getting to put that in an email and ask for the girly juicy details? It made my day. Seriously, so cool for her, and so glad she shared.
- Having my windows open so I can hear all of the people who live around me; their phones ringing, their loud conversations in a myriad of languages, the sounds of their computers starting up, and even the guy on the second floor across the way who is really into gospel, early Michael Jackson, and the Chili Peppers. The smells, even the unpleasant ones like the cigar smoke from the 3rd floor of my building, are nice, too. You know what people are cooking, and so with the sounds, it's this incredible sense of community that I think I'm supposed to find annoying because we're all living on top of each other but mostly just find comforting.
- Hot showers. Don't think that needs an explanation.
Anyone have something simple that makes you happy or just cheers you up? More happy thoughts would be appreciated. Also, apologies for the excessively long posts as of late; I really did intend for this one to be shorter. Anyway, unless I find myself sidetracked again, look for another installment of Getting Hit On in the Metro; I've got a few from the past week that need to be shared.
